Something from a book I'm writing. I'll post a few paragraphs every couple days.

[elephantinegrace]

It was a cold day in Billings, Montana. The weather alternated between twenty below zero and snot-freezing cold. Luckily, this story doesn’t take place in Billings, Montana. Who would want to hear about someone’s snot freezing her nose shut?

You there, in the back, put your hand down, you liar!

This story really takes place in New York City, New York, the city that never sleeps because it’s too damn full of coffeehouses. Well, and danger that keeps the citizens on their toes, and sometimes on each other’s toes. This danger why Marianne Thomas was currently tied up on the second floor of a condemned apartment building, and partly why Annie Won was going to find her. The main reason, of course, was that Annie was completely in love with Marianne’s brother, but that’s a story for another time.

Never mind, I’m going to tell it right now. It starts, as all great love stories do, with a girl's bikini top flying off as she dives into the pool. Only this was different, because she was diving after a boy who had fallen in. She had no way of knowing Derron Thomas had fallen in on purpose, just like he had no way of realizing he didn't know how to swim. Okay, fine, he did. But he would have done it anyway, and so would she. This was why, five years later, when a family of four was slaughtered, it wasn't Annie's.

What do you guys think? Constructive criticism?